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Few topics generate as much terror in America as sex, unless it is sex+children+education. Perhaps that is why sometimes even the most caring parents prefer to let schools (or as the case may be, porn) to provide the instructions. Quite simply, we are accustomed to allowing our children to view violence early on, but teaching them about the science or pleasure of our bodies dampens confidence quicker than a cold shower on a freezing day. We squirm, we deny, we laugh nervously and freak out frequently.
I am the mother of two and a relationship writer, so it is no surprise that I’m often approached to answer questions or offer advice. Equally likely are the more disquieting moments when someone hears just how ‘open’ I’ve been with my own children (by open I mean answering their questions directly, simply and truthfully). More than once I’ve been on the receiving end of an indignant stare, the kind that with one raised eyebrow says, oh-no-you-didn’t-just-tell-your-kid-that.
When my son was three years old, he used the word ‘breast’ in preschool to describe where a baby was nursing on its mother. No one questioned the appropriateness of the comment. No touching was involved, no asking to see or showing took place, but another parent ranted to the headmistress that her offspring was now the victim of premature exposure to the anatomically correct term for a woman’s form.
Called into the office like a wayward adolescent, I said to the principle that if we weren’t allowed to use proper words, could she suggest alternatives that were more suitable.
As it turned out, nothing really. Boobies, teats, ta-tas, rack or bubbles (my proffered snarky list) were a total No-No. Her request: avoid discussions involving anything overtly sexual (in this case, we were only teaching the correct names for body parts) with my son, lest he repeat what he learned in preschool. Furthermore, she expected me to ask my toddler to not use ‘breast’ again in preschool. Seriously. (Score one for the prudes, zero for the children.)
Culture of Prudes
Since we are mostly batty when it comes to teaching kids about sex, the resultant vacuum is that many youth are exposed, out of neglect or deliberate misdirection, to information that is either harmful or false, particularly for girls (though I will discuss why I believe one solution lies in rethinking sex-education for boys).
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